Release the controls,
take a step back,
loosen your grip
and accept what is.
Release your heart
from what hurts the most
tighten your grip
and accept your place.
There’s no alternative
to disappear this time.
Unless you are forgotten.
This form is inspired by @submeg. I hope you enjoy this one! If you have any feedback, let’s start a discussion.
May 9, 2018 at 4:25 pm
I love this one, especially the instructions to ‘loosen the grip [on control]”. So hard to do, but so rewarding when we can let go…even just a bit.
May 9, 2018 at 4:27 pm
Thank you! I was debating making it longer…but then decided to make it shorter and shorter for more emphasis. (I analyze my own work).
May 9, 2018 at 5:57 pm
At one point today I felt invisible, and am not sure if it was by choice. Sometimes I lie to myself about that.
May 9, 2018 at 6:25 pm
Thank you for sharing, I know how that feels sometimes!
May 9, 2018 at 9:30 pm
Since you asked for feedback, I really like the Crtl-Alt-Del theme and how you played with in the lines and how resetting one’s computer is a relinquishing of control, a great metaphor for life.
One thing I try to do with my poems is have each line end on a strong word. So I would suggest moving the line break: “no reason / to disappear this time.”
This might seem a little radical but do you really need the second stanza?
May 9, 2018 at 9:52 pm
So my reasoning for the line break at disappear was more for emphasis. But I can see why I could add “to” to the disappear line.
Thanks for the feedback too, I will have to consider that…I think I was going for 2 (stanzas), 1 (stanza) to 0 (or one line).
May 11, 2018 at 5:44 pm
I love how this poem actually stirred mixed feelings inside of me. During the first verse I thought: “Yes! So hard but yet so necessary!” But then when it said: “accept your place” in the second verse I was like: “What, no! Never!” 😅 Somehow this line triggered a feeling of obedience in me, not the calmness of letting things go and see where you’re heading but more like bowing your head obediently and walk behind someone else who’s taking the lead.
I love it though, because it made me think about myself and the reasons why, on one hand, I like the idea of letting go but react so strongly to a harmless sentence like “accept your place” on the other. Thank you! 😊
May 11, 2018 at 6:08 pm
Thank you so much for your feedback and interpretation of this one. ☺